Today is my Dad's 56 birthday. It's the twelfth birthday he's missed. I've been dreading writing this post for over a month...maybe over two months? Maybe since I finished the last post I wrote about him and knew another one was coming. Yep, probably since then.
Last week I just lost it. I sat and stared at this screen and lost the ability to put anything coherent together. I have nothing. Nothing I haven't already said. Nothing that changes anything about how much I really hate this and how much I wish things were different. Nothing about how angry I am that he is missing all the best parts of our lives. He's missing the BEST parts! These parts -
They are the absolute best parts of it all and he's missing it. And I'm mad. And I'm not sure what to write besides that. People tell you that loss get's easier that grief gets easier...and I find that to be true in certain situations. But when someone is taken from you before you feel like you got everything you needed it doesn't get easier...it gets harder. With each new baby and each new milestone and each new relationship formed in our family it gets harder to take that he is missing it.
Vince asked me last year if it was normal that he missed Dad more now that Monroe is here. I told him it's my normal.
So here's what I have for you this year. This year I'm mad. And this year hurts especially bad. And that's okay because tonight I get to share ice cream cheers with the seven amazing little people left behind...and their parents too.