Can I tell you a secret? A secret that might hurt my husband's feelings a little bit...I'm not sure. When Carli Grace is screaming with him and I pick her up and she calms down I'm secretly delighted. Is that awful? Am I a bad wife? Last night my girl got up around 11:30, which is SO not the norm. I heard her. I heard Mike get up with her (he was still awake watching TV and I was sleeping). I heard her fuss, cry, scream. I heard him try and try. I got up. Walked in and picked her up a for a few brief moments she calmed just being with me and in that moment I thought - yeah, cause I'm the mommy, that's why. Now she went back to crying a bit because her belly was upset, but as a general rule I just calm her more.
It isn't that I want to hurt his feelings. And it isn't that I'm not equally delighted when say....not naming names here...but say, Aunt Bridget has her crying and I accomplish the same thing. It's anyone. I am in LOVE with the fact that I'm my girl's favorite right now. I know kids go through stages. I know I won't always be her favorite. And quite honestly I am sometimes shocked that she doesn't prefer Mike. But considering my recent return to work. And considering that five days a week she spends more awake hours with Daddy, Pa Pa, or Megan it THRILLS me that I'm still the ultimate calming force in her life.
I just don't get it. How does she know? How can she only be awake with me three and a half hours a night, five days a week and still be calmed by me? Would it be the same if I wasn't the one getting up in the middle of the night (which is NOT a dig...I LOVE getting up with her)? I mean the reality of our house is that Mike changes just as many diapers and feeds just as many bottles - possibly more since he is home with her twice a week. And I really worried going back to work that I would be terribly jealous of his time with her and in some ways I am. But honestly, I don't think I could take it if he was the calming force in the house as well. I would feel like my job was stolen. So secretly, or not so secretly now, I smile inside when only Mommy will do.